Urmila, I remember you still
The tears unshed, on the threshold,
Turning those eyes swollen
The smile on your lotus lips blossoming like a song of pain
The firm feet settling to stillness; some sad message
Awakening in the corner of your eyes,
You stand, lost in yourself.
Urmila, I remember you still, as
The untouched harp and its melancholy strings throbbing
The unknown melody,
The burning desire creeping
Along the heart’s solitary paths strewn with shattered hopes.
And the ecstasy, craving to bloom In the beloved’s soul, you stand close to me.
Urmila, I remember you still,
To the end of the endless.
The lamp kept aglow, the abundant flow of love fuelling it
You become the shadow cast by its blue intense flame,
Truth that merges to illusion.
Forlorn on the avenues of life
You stand, your mind fixed in the sacred memory of Lakshmana’s feet.
Urmila, I remember you still
Sitting on the marble steps of the garden
Seeking the infinite
With half closed eyes
Reddened by a thousand agonies
Softly touching memory,
Evoking the silent song of love.
You bury into the heart the boundless tears of earth
Gushing beyond time.
Pensive, lost in thoughts you stand
As a dark dream of anguish.
Urmila, I remember you still,
Throughout the gloomy, sleepless nocturnal hours
You listened in ecstasy to the confined bird in the golden cage
Singing the name of Rama,
You were in the zenith of joy
As the bird in your heart
Chanted the divine name of Lakshmana.
Dreams evaporate in your sighs and vanish
As you stand beside the window.
How many dawns, how many seasons
Burning summers, the twilight of numerous aeons;
My thoughts crossing them all to reach your feet.
Did I stand transfixed,
Taking you for the northern star of phalguni?
Did the auspicious moment of your birth prove cursed?
Did your soul’s agony become a saga
Merging to the heart of Mithila forever
How can I console you?
How can I wish you grace
You, epitome of chastity
How can I offer
My tributes to you!
Translated from Malayalam by B.S.Bini.
Translator’s Note
Prof. Nalina Kumari (1933- 2000) was born on the 28th of May 1933. After putting in 34 years of service in the Collegiate Education she retired from academic service voluntarily at the age of 53. At the time of her retirement, Nalina Kumari was Principal at the Government Brennen College, Telichery. In the course of her career Prof. Nalina Kumari had put in many years of her service as lecturer and professor of Malayalam at the Government College for Women, University College and Sanskrit College in Trivandrum and the Government Arts and Science College, Calicut. Many admirers of Nalina Kumari feel that she has not got the critical attention that she really deserved during her life time.
Nalina Kumari’s poems are deeply rooted in the Romantic tradition. The Epics allured her as a boundless source of inspiration. In poems like Urmila, I Remember, You Still, In the Ant Hill, Arjun, Dasavathara, Vaisali etc the author approaches the epics with a sensitive vision. While looking at the past, she can analyze the present and anticipate the future. In Urmila I Remember You Still, the character of Urmila, the sister of Sita, is seen in a new light, as an epitome who sacrificed her youthful joys in the altar of duty towards Sita sad Rama, by remaining in the solitude of the palace while her husband, Lakshmana, accompanied them to the forest. The agony and the silent suffering of Urmila are painted in mild hues but the picture burns into the reader’s heart.
Nalina Kumari expresses through her verse varying shades of passions and emotions. But sometimes she left the taut strings of her feelings untouched, fearing that her songs may go unheard in the surrounding din and clamour. Her poems are revelations that slowly emerge from meaningful silences. Nalini I led an intense inner life which enabled her to touch her themes with a subtle insight to make him essentially human.
Through a romantic, Nalina Kumari was never an escapist. In some poems, shows a sage like quietude and strength of mind that helps her to remain detached spectator. But often her poems arc confessional which perhaps had a therapeutic effect on the poetess. The melancholic strain is very prominent in her lines. She doesn’t bother to make the pen a weapon and attack the corrupt world with it. She well knew, she says in the poem, Right and Wrong
“What’s right and what’s wrong, know I not,
Truth’s lost in illusion,
Added, subtracted, all calculations made
Still things go wrong, again and again… “
And so resigns from any attempt to suggest remedies and solutions. Yet Nali she has an unfailing optimism. In Disharmony, we read
Disharmony in melodies of nature,
From beginning to end, yet lives with lust for living
Wander to it in forms numerous
Days and nights, time’s chariot wheels
Roll forward, ceaseless…
This is the ultimate philosophy that she reaches. Nalina Kumari dares to hope because she is aware of the immensity of life force that propels us to go on living- then why not make existence full of meaning and grace; she asks herself, she asks us, numerous voices in her poems echo her.
